I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
