I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Randomize
