oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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