hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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