yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
