jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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