Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
