You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
