fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
