When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
