i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
we're so committed to being not committed
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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