my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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