Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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