You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
