Can i not drive my cunt home
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
