i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
