I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
