Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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