Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
