I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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