Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
