No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
