also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
