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did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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