I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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