Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
