dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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