Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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