How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
