i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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