I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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