if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize