She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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