you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
