Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
