Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
