PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
