Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
