So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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