i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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