What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize
