I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
