I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
These 17 Parents Decided to Cut Contact With Their Horrible Kids
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
17 People Reveal The Reasons Behind Their Foot Fetish
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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