If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Randomize
