ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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