just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard