Texts From Last Night

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  (+27): View more from South Africa

  I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.

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  (+27): I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork. http://tfl.nu/lbeq
  Replies (20) Good night (2767) Bad night (636)
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  (850): View more from Florida

  At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.

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  (850): At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me. http://tfl.nu/6dky
  Replies (18) Good night (862) Bad night (3744)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers

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  (317): I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers http://tfl.nu/7izq
  Replies (31) Good night (5414) Bad night (638)
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  (707): View more from California

  He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good

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  (707): He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good http://tfl.nu/rj3f
  Replies (19) Good night (5417) Bad night (1047)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.

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  (440): my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement. http://tfl.nu/zd8a
  Replies (16) Good night (5660) Bad night (1507)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.

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  (330): now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before. http://tfl.nu/kk2m
  Replies (14) Good night (2580) Bad night (1095)
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  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person

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  (715): I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person http://tfl.nu/kk0f
  Replies (16) Good night (2634) Bad night (994)
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  (845): View more from New York

  He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.

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  (845): He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver. http://tfl.nu/r9iy
  Replies (39) Good night (10271) Bad night (1236)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?

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  (815): Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers? http://tfl.nu/gqlt
  Replies (9) Good night (2525) Bad night (1290)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat

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  (720): Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat http://tfl.nu/h23q
  Replies (5) Good night (1306) Bad night (458)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.

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  (978): We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement. http://tfl.nu/az5f
  Replies (3) Good night (226) Bad night (510)
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  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?

  (1-306): View more from Saskatchewan

  you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...

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  (306): how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk? (1-306): you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you... http://tfl.nu/x6zk
  Replies (0) Good night (1302) Bad night (254)
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?

  (360): View more from Washington

  What are you gonna do about it?

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  (206): Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king? (360): What are you gonna do about it? http://tfl.nu/zg4q
  Replies (7) Good night (875) Bad night (269)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Yesterday you said I was the best.

  (1-570): View more from Pennsylvania

  No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.

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  (570): Yesterday you said I was the best. (1-570): No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference. http://tfl.nu/was6
  Replies (3) Good night (578) Bad night (399)
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  (813): View more from Florida

  I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it

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  (813): I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it http://tfl.nu/wnc3
  Replies (0) Good night (384) Bad night (226)

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