Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special