Texts From Last Night

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  (514): View more from Quebec

  take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.

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  (514): take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk. http://tfl.nu/mcib
  Replies (47) Good night (9951) Bad night (1184)
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  (571): View more from Virginia

  You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Darwin at his finest.

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  (571): You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg. (202): Darwin at his finest. http://tfl.nu/rqsd
  Replies (25) Good night (5819) Bad night (1161)
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.

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  (832): The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went. http://tfl.nu/fpvf
  Replies (16) Good night (6210) Bad night (1102)
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  (205): View more from Alabama

  I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.

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  (205): I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face. http://tfl.nu/ce47
  Replies (74) Good night (2268) Bad night (8883)
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me

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  (703): Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me http://tfl.nu/ff5t
  Replies (8) Good night (2780) Bad night (827)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other

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  (401): We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other http://tfl.nu/z80n
  Replies (14) Good night (1670) Bad night (4174)
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum

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  (816): She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum http://tfl.nu/72bu
  Replies (11) Good night (2536) Bad night (982)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?

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  (440): Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating? http://tfl.nu/ubob
  Replies (6) Good night (1503) Bad night (1020)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...

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  (317): His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip... http://tfl.nu/pj0o
  Replies (7) Good night (1637) Bad night (798)
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  (818): View more from California

  It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.

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  (818): It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care. http://tfl.nu/qr5p
  Replies (9) Good night (982) Bad night (1414)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants

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  (425): Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants http://tfl.nu/y64s
  Replies (7) Good night (1304) Bad night (722)
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  (631): View more from New York

  I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.

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  (631): I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning. http://tfl.nu/7540
  Replies (3) Good night (1011) Bad night (351)
• Favorite

  (707): View more from California

  Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms

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  (707): Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms http://tfl.nu/5oim
  Replies (9) Good night (394) Bad night (1205)
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.

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  (817): I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita. http://tfl.nu/fdg7
  Replies (3) Good night (601) Bad night (237)
• Favorite

  (270): View more from Kentucky

  How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?

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  (270): How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before? http://tfl.nu/mcbw
  Replies (2) Good night (650) Bad night (304)

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