If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Randomize
