i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
