Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
