Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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