Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
