she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Randomize
