Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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