and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
