Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
The struggles of a small town man whore
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
