perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I need to stop coming to work sober
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
