Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
