Where did you get a picture of my penis
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
