Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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