Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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