His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Dicks are not precious.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
