put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
