U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
