Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
