oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
being pregnant is like rehab
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
