So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize