I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
