Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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