i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize