Old men and throwing up are my life now.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I am naked and annoyed.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
