I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
