Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
