I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
