Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize