note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
