you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
