I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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