my phone needs a breathalizer
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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