i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
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