I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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