The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
