I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Randomize
