she kept yelling 'call me bella'
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Randomize
