Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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